A Boring Day Of My Life In Fine Detail

What's more exciting than me recounting an eventless day in my life with incredible detail? Nothing. Nothing is more exciting.

Here is a description of Sunday, January 14th in the life of I, Kelsey Coughlin:

9:47am: The fire station 500 feet from my apartment blares its sirens, immediately awaking me from my sub-par slumber.

9:49am: I already dropped my phone on my face and I've been awake for 2 minutes.

10:37am: Since I can practically touch my bathroom from my bedroom I take my first 7 steps of the day to go pee and brush my teeth.

10:42am: I'm back in bed and have no plans to leave it again anytime soon.

10:45am: Oh, but wait, I have a doctor's appointment that I completely forgot about. HA! Classic Kelsey. I'm out of bed and throwing on the same pants I wore four times this week.

12:06pm: My psychiatrist appointment is finished and I j-walk across Broadway to Urban Outfitters because no basic white girl can resist.

12:15pm: It was way too crowded in Urban and my desire to shop died faster than Britney Spear's marriage to Jason Alexander.

12:22pm: I'm now at Equinox in Soho. If you're a NYC-er you'll know what I mean when I say that this particular Equinox gym is a scene. It's a bunch of beautiful people working out and never sweating. I decide to cycle and do some shoulder exercises all while looking negative amounts of beautiful and sweating a lot.

1:32pm: There's a Juice Generation beneath this Equinox and I buy an $11 smoothie and don't bat an eyelash. New York City is making me the worst kind of human.

1:49pm: I'm back to the safety and confinement of my 308 square foot apartment. It's been a long day and now it's time for a nap.

4:02pm: Holy shit! I just woke up and I'm so confused on where I am, what day it is, who I am, etc. All those who agree that this is the worst kind of post-nap feeling say "I".

4:05pm: I open my laptop and quickly fall into an internet hole. This time it's about Olivia Culpo, former Miss USA and Miss Universe. Her jawline could slice me apart and it's incredible.

5:20pm: My stomach realizes all I ate today was an $11 smoothie and I start panicking because I'm so hungry it's actually kind of hurts.

5:22pm: I order a bento box of teriyaki chicken and veggies, brown rice, shumai, seaweed salad and an eel cucumber roll from Quan Sushi beneath my apartment building. Que "hit the quan!" rap lyric.

5:47pm: I order this exact meal from Quan Sushi at least once a week so the owner and I are weirdly good friends. I go in to pick up my bento box and have a strange conversation with a 65 year old Asian woman.

5:52pm: Thank God, I'm back in my closet-sized apartment. Braving the elements of NYC is hard sometimes, even it's only for 5 minutes.

6:06pm: My bento box is completely eaten and now I'm tired again. I think about maybe going to bed at 7pm. In the meantime I occupy myself on StreetEasy and pretend I have no budget and that I'm buying a townhouse in NYC. Wow there's a really pretty one in the West Village for only $10 million. What a steal.

7:15pm: I close my laptop and twiddle my thumbs on my phone for like 20 minutes and then I fall asleep. Judge me, I dare you.

The end.